Mar19

A Letter to My Daughter

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After seeing the documentary, Girl Rising, I felt I had a few things to say to my daughter…. and, well, everyone else too.  If you have the opportunity to see the film – male or female – please do.  It will change you.  I promise.

Dear Daughter –

Holding my daughter for the first time!

Holding my daughter for the first time!

On the day you arrived into my life, nearly 13 years ago (5 weeks before you were due to arrive!), I knew I was so incredibly blessed.  Your tiny little fingers, your 10 perfect toes, you bright blue eyes.   My first thought was sheer happiness and joy and my second thought was filled with terror and fear.  How could I possibly raise this gorgeous little person to be the best that you could be?  What if I messed up?  Who would you become?  Where will you end up?

I will admit.  I was terrified.

Then you went off to your first day of school a few years later…and that had to be one of the most terrifying days yet… how could the school possibly know how to take care of you as well as I did?  How could I possibly let you head out into the world without me?   But you know what?  You’ve done great!  You have grown into a wonderful young lady that values what you have in life.  I am so very proud of you!

So…as I was watching Girl Rising and learning more about girls in other nations I realized that my concerns, while real to me, are dreams of other mothers.  These are dreams only some could hope for one day.  The chance to even send their daughters to school is beyond their reach and their fears are exponentially greater than anything I will ever imagine in my worst nightmares.

With that being said, YOU really are one of the lucky ones.  When you get up at 6:30am every day to get ready for school, (which I know you hate!) you are lucky.    You have the chance to learn, and grow, and expand your future.  There are girls around the world that will never have that chance.  They will never learn to read and get lost in a book like you can.  They will never learn to write and share their creative mind on paper like you do.  They will never excel in science, or play the viola in an orchestra, or learn the difference between Monet and Van Gogh.

So, just as a gentle reminder… never, ever waste that chance.  Never ever think it doesn’t matter.  And never ever take for granted the opportunities you have because not everyone has that same chance.  You, my daughter, will go on to be incredibly successful in life.  You can choose what you want to do and, better yet, there is no limit to what you can do!  You can be anything you want to be, and I hope you do the things you love the most…be an astronaut, a teacher, a coffee barista, a doctor, a or even President, I don’t really care, but the point is that you have a choice.  However, the one thing I do hope, in whatever you chose to do – I hope that you will be a change agent in the world that we live.  I hope that you will see the greater good and use your voice to change the things you don’t agree with and help others who cannot help themselves.

Her fist day of school!

Her fist day of school!

You are a beautiful person, inside and out.  You have a heart of gold and a conscious to go along with it.  You can always find the best in others.  You bring sunshine into a room and you make me smile at the sound of your laugh.  Never forget that you are smart – smarter than you think – and you should never waste a second of an opportunity to learn something more and make change around you.  I can attest that learning never stops.   I am still learning new things every single day!

In the film there was a little girl named Wadley.  I imagine you and her would get along well.  Wadley refused to be denied the chance to go to school after her family was hit by hard times and could not pay for it.  And you know what, Wadley got to go to school because she knew it was where she belonged.  She wanted a better life.  And she knew that her education would help her get there.   Education can unlock so many things for you, too – never forget that.

Just remember, there are girls around the world who will never step foot into a school – ever.  They will be sold into slavery by the age of 6 and by the age of 11 or 12 their family will marry them off.  They will be mothers by age 13.  That is how old you are now.    Can you imagine?

You are one smart cookie, kiddo.  I already know that you know how lucky you really are.  Motherhood is a scary world – but with a kid like you, it’s full of rainbows and sunshine!  Thanks for being a great kid who knows the value of your education and the opportunities that you are given.   I can’t wait to see where it takes you one day!

I love you with all my heart…and more!

Mom

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Mar6

My Evolution of “No”-ing

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My Evolution of “No”-ing

“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.” ~Josh Billings

This quote couldn’t have crossed my screen at a more appropriate time. Yesterday I had a truly life-changing moment that has taken me years to evolve to – I was able to confidently tell someone “no”!  I know that sounds ridiculous to some of you, but when you have spent years saying yes to volunteer roles because you felt guilty or because you might let someone down, the word “no” becomes a word you don’t say very often.  (And you’d think I’d be an expert at it seeing I say it to my kids at least 10 times a day for something!) Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret anything I’ve said “yes” to doing in the past.  I have enjoyed volunteering to do them all, at some point.  But I guess I am now at the point where my priorities are changing and I’ve decided to become more selective of where my time will be spent going forward.

Believe me – yesterday wasn’t easy – and I nearly retracted my answer and told them “yes” before it was all said and done, but I didn’t.  I stood firm, gave my justification and let the opportunity be passed on to someone else.  And I will admit it felt pretty good – even liberating!  Taking control and evaluating my own time and reasons was exactly what I did and in the end, it was exactly what I know I needed to do.  But I will admit that the decision to say “no” did not come without some of its own guilt and internal struggle throughout the day.

But over the last few years, as I’ve started to evaluate where my time is being spent and tried to determine where that time will make the most difference or biggest impact,  I’ve chosen to let some things go.  Things that I thought were important, but turned out to simply be time drainers that sucked the life out of me while accomplishing very little for the mission or purpose that I believed in.  I’ve spent far too many hours knee-deep in drama when those hours could have been spent doing something that really mattered, something that could actually change a life.  So, going forward, I hope my ability to use the word “no” comes with a little less angst and a little more ease.  The confidence with which I offer my “no” is sure to evolve over time, too.  But ultimately I hope that my evaluation of opportunities provides me the knowledge I need to make those tough decisions and ultimately use my time in the best possible way I can.  Because as Benjamin Franklin said, “Lost Time is Never Found Again”.  I can honestly say, while I don’t regret agreeing to things I’ve done,  I have lost a lot of unnecessary time that will never be given back.  Time that could have been better spent in other places to really make a difference.

So…if you find yourself like me, and find the word “no” incredibly difficult to say – it helps to remember – there will always be someone else to take the job, fill the role and do the work – this is a lesson that has taken me many years to figure out, unfortunately.  But, in the end, there is only so much time we each have and we have to choose to use it for what we feel is best for us, not them – right?

 

Mar1

You Have a Voice – Why Not Use it for Good?

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advocating

That’s me – using MY voice!

During the last couple of days something I have always taken to heart and invested a lot of time into has reappeared to draw me back in.  My personal focus has taken many different paths in the last few years and I have various causes I have chosen to put my energy and effort into at any given time.  But one specific cause that started with years ago has reappeared in a way that has sparked my attention and ongoing commitment, yet again…granted, I never gave up on it – it has always been a priority – but my curiosity and commitment has again been renewed  after this week. (we have go through phases like that, right?)

If you read back (in this sparsely populated blog of mine) you will find a number of posts about bullying.  I started my trek as a bullying advocate when my oldest was very young. While my kids were not directly affected, I despised what I heard  kids saying to other kids and I really felt for those kids who were unable to advocate for themselves.  So the anti-bully movement became a passion of mine as I worked to bring attention to it and attempt to better the environment for all kids in schools.  My efforts have evolved some, just as you would expect.  My cause has changed tone and gone from “anti-bully” to “spreading kindness” – although I do feel they are one in the same.

After talking with someone who sought me out for some advice on the topic this week, she pointed out that some parents are effected differently by the phrase “bully” than they are the word “unkind”.  And I would agree with that statement whole heartedly.  But regardless of the terms being used to describe the situation she (and so many others) are dealing with, it all comes down to someone being unkind to someone else – which is not okay – ever.

So, back to my original point…you can all imagine my excitement when I saw the announcement that came out yesterday!  Yesterday, U.S. Senator Mark Kirk (R-IL) announced his co-sponsorship, with Senator Bob Casey (D-PA), of the bipartisan legislation to prevent bullying and harassment in schools! The Safe Schools Improvement Act would require schools and districts that receive federal funding to adopt codes of conduct specifically prohibiting bullying and harassment, encouraging them to implement effective prevention programs to respond to incidents of bullying and harassment.   How excited was I knowing that a Senator from my own state is taking this on at this level?  This is a huge step in a direction to protect all children in a place where they should feel completely safe – but many do not.

As someone who has spoken out about bullying and stood up to the issue for a number of years, I have heard so many stories (from friends and strangers) that have broken my heart to pieces.  In turn, I have heard stories of renewed kindness that have changed social cultures in environments that you would never believe could happen, too.  It’s a topic that reaches the depths of our souls and asks for our strongest of emotions as we try to stand up for something that we all know to be right, but sometimes we just don’t want to be the one who calls it out, brings it up or stands up to the drama.

So, I challenge you to speak up, take a stand and remember to keep kindness in every day of your life.  Stand up for childhood, safe learning environments and emotional security for kids.  Call your Senators and Representatives and ask them to sign on to support something that will help protect kids each and every day.  It may not be your kid that is affected – but they are someone’s daughter, son, grandchild, niece, nephew or friend.  So stand up for those that cannot stand up for themselves –  make your voice heard.  And if not to advocate for legislation – make yourself heard in the places that matter most to you.  Your schools, your churches, your neighborhoods and even work.  Speak out, stand up and be heard!  What good is a voice if you don’t use it – and more importantly, if you don’t use it for good?

I will leave you with a statement of facts presented by Senator Kirk on his announcement on February 28, 2013:  ”Bullying affects an estimated one out of every three students in America ages 12-18 years, and can have a significant impact on school engagement and academic achievement,” said Senator Kirk. “I am proud to join with Senator Casey to reintroduce the Safe Schools Improvement Act to help schools prevent bullying before it starts and to provide guidance supporting proper behavior. I hope we can help solve the issue of bullying because every child deserves a safe environment, free of harassment, in which they can learn.”

These are the girls who inspired my efforts to prevent bullying in the beginning.

These are the little people who inspired me to start my efforts to prevent bullying – I am thankful everyday that they allowed me to help by trusting in what I encouraged them to do. They will likely never know how proud I am of the difference they made for others by speaking out and standing up.